I have often thought about the effects of sexual abuse on boys and the multiplying effect in the society.
Most people even believe that boys/males cannot be abused but available statistics says otherwise, 1 out of every 6 boys get abused before the age of 18.
Having counselled hundreds of boys over the years I have realised that abuse among males is grossly under reported and the effects alarming more than we know.
One major effect of abuse is that an abused person is likely to continue the abuse or at extreme cases become abusers.
However before i move on, let me define sexual abuse in this context simply as the wrong use of sex as created by God.
So every time sex is abused, we can say it is sexual abuse.
This perspective definitely widens the scope (and obviously shows my biases…which I believe I am entitled to) because most of the time all what we call sexual abuse is something wrong that happens to someone but also leave the more important part of when someone uses something wrongly.
This is the important part because most times this use or misuse always determine the other part.
Often after explaining it this way when speaking to males and I ask the question “Is there anyone here that has experienced/experiencing sexual abuse or is abusing sex?” the reply I get is always a deafening silence.
This shows that we actually have an epidemic in our hands than we realize.
So let us look at what the issues are:
First of all, let me share my story with you. I was just about 9 years old when I was sexually abused by a much older sister that was our neighbour then. Of course I didn’t know it was sexual abuse and I wasn’t taught anything related to it. In fact the perception I had about it was that it was fun.
This is the first attack against the boy child, when something bad happen to him, he is told to man up.
So he covers up any issue he is having and from there it leads to other issues and before longs it becomes uncontrollable for him.
This was what happened to me. From that point it was from one issue to the other.
Most males are disoriented when abuse happens to them. Their understanding about sexuality is confused and they begin to make all kinds of wrong choices.
From porn addiction, to masturbation, to premarital sex, and other things…and if they have a weak foundation in the faith and have enough negative influences, they go very far into destructive tendencies.
Let me say that there is no form of abuse that leaves the victim the way it meets them either as a male or female but for a male the dangerous thing about it is that it seem the boy is okay but he is not at all.
A shift has happened to him in his mind and he goes on a downward road to all kinds of things. He doesn’t go down alone, he takes people down as he goes. The multiplication of evil that comes with it cannot be quantified.
It seem to me that the leadership tendencies expected of a male becomes a problem for him.
When he is supposed to cry and seek help. He is called a weakling for showing his weakness so instead of admitting it, he continues on that trend.
He is shamed into keeping quiet so as to be accepted. Sometimes the reason he messes around is because he wants to feel like a ‘man’.
Even when boys are abused they are made to believe that it is a good thing to be exploited by a female and it even makes them feel macho among their friends.
For example, a lady exposes herself indecently to a man and lures him for sexual activities…it is mostly not considered an abuse or harassment.
If the man happens to be a decent man and ignores the overtures, he is considered foolish or even a weakling. This puts a lot of pressure on any man that finds himself in such situation.
And if he submits to the temptation and he is caught, the lady can turn back on him and call him an abuser.
So it looks like the stereotype of the society for the boy/man is to do wrong.
So what can be done?
We have to change the story and be deliberate about raising boys.
We must also know and accept the fact that sometimes it is okay to be vulnerable and seek for help. It doesn’t make you less of a man.
Many men (married men inclusive) are suffering in silence because they don’t want to look weak and many times they are going through a lot but unfortunately it always gets bad before they open up.
We must also be ready to be seen as weak if it means that we are standing for a strong value like our relationship with God.
And of course, we must rise up as a man for God in our generation. Strengthening the hands of other males as we all stand up to be counted for purity.
*Boys get hurt too* and we must speak up…seek to be healed and help heal others.
If you are struggling with sexual issues and you really need help, male or female, send me a message. God is still in the business of healing.
#ITakeAStand
#StopChildSexualAbuse
#RaisingGodlyChildren
Written by: Omoniyi Temitope Mayowa
Contact: Whatsapp: +234 8174590876
All Social Media: ThreshingHouse
Email: threshinghouseteam@gmail.com
www.threshinghouse.org
*Published by: Threshing House Media Publications as part of materials for TH- STOP CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE PROJECT*
